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Welcome to Celluloid Scares - a blog about the darker, cheaper, sicker side of film. Here we'll have news, reviews and articles about all aspects of Cult and Horror cinema. We will cover everything from the skid row quickies from the 1930's to this week's latest genre releases.

WARNING: If you attempt to view any of the films mentioned in this blog, its best to do so with adult supervision or at least be on the wrong side of a 6 pack of cheap cider.


Sunday 23 October 2011

List: Worst (or maybe Best) First Date movies

Ok first dates are all about first impressions. So what better to impress you potential new boy/girl or transgendered partner. So here's a list of films that will definably make a big impression. In no particular order:

1) Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS (1975) - Directed by Don Edmonds.
The hands down king (or should I say Königin) of the Nazi Exploitation genre due to the scenary chewing (though charismatic) acting of lead actress, Dyanne Thorne. Other that it's the usual uniformed affair - graphic torture, nudity and dodgy accents but the whole thing is so over the top it's hard to find it really that offensive (well almost). Some trivia, this movie was filmed on the sets of dire American comedy, 'Hogan's Heroes'.

2) Salo: 120 Days of Sodom (1975) - Directed by Pier Paolo Pasolin.
Based loosely on the light romantic novel by the Marque de Sade. A group of fascists towards the end of World War 2 take refuse in a castle bringing with them a selection of teenage boys and girls to amuse their sadistic appetites. You know when a film has a chapter called 'Circle of Shit', that it's not going to be fun for anyone.

3) Slaughtered Vomit Dolls (2006) - Directed by Lucifer Valentine.
Mindless, stream of consciousness spewed (literally) from the brain of a strung out crack whore. Hard to watch for all the wrong reasons but this didn't stop director, Lucifer Valentine, making this part of a vomit filled trilogy.

4) Pink Flamingos (1972) - Directed by John Waters.
Early John Waters film, featuring 350lbs transvestite, Divine, going on a quest to become "The Filthiest Person Alive". And before you ask, the dog shit scene was done for real.

5) Flowers of Flesh & Blood (1985) - Directed by Hideshi Hino.
Part of the infamous Guinea Pig series. No plot as such just as such just some demented  Samurai cutting up a body for 50 or minutes. This film first probably came to most peoples  attention with the story of pre-Tiger Blood, Charlie Sheen, informing the FBI that this was a  real life 'snuff movie'.

Click for the rest of the list...


6) Men behind the Sun (1988) - Directed by Tun Fei Mou.
Grim docudrama about the notorious Japanese medical camp, Unit 911. Prisoners are subject to 
horrific experiments, all shown in a most exploitative way.

7) Ebola Syndrome (1998) - Directed by Herman Yau.
Anthony Wong (of course) stars in this sick CAT III film about a sadistic killer who contracts the Ebola virus. Naturally, he opens a restaurant and hilarity ensues.

8) Human Centipede (2009) - Directed by Tom Six.
Claimed to 100% medically accurate. Crazy doctor sews people together for no apparent reason. Features some of the worst acting I have seen in recent times. This film might be of some of interest if your date is a medical student.

9) A Serbian Film (2010) - Directed by Srdjan Spasojevic.
A retired porn star is dragged back into the business only to realise that the producers are making a snuff film. This features a supermarket list of taboos that it ticks off one by one. If it wasn't for its over the top nature this would be the most disturbing film ever.

10) Nekromantik (1987) - Directed by Jörg Buttgereit.
Infamous tale of a boy/girl/corpse love triangle. What could go wrong? It was followed up with an even more gruesome sequel.

This list is of course limited and if for some reason you actually make it to a second date I can offer some more suggestions that might help solidify your relationship.

So I hope your and you date enjoyed your film experience almost as 'we' did when I was invited up and told to bring a movie. In hindsight, I can understand that not ever one loves Ilsa, even if the DVD has a director's commentary and a bunch of deleted scenes. True story!

1 comment:

  1. I think that Martyrs might deserve a place on this list... ;)

    ReplyDelete